by Troy More

By most accounts, the drive-in theatre on Highway 17 should have been a peaceful, relaxing place to take the family for a night of reasonably priced entertainment. The only downfall that kept it from being so was its location, almost exactly halfway between our hometown of Mosquito Flats, and the town of Sodbuster Junction, whose inhabitants where the natural enemies of our people. Where this rivalry began has been lost to the mists of time, perhaps it was at a softball tournament, or a school basketball game, but whatever the reason, it was our duty to despise them.

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by Pamela Rice Hahn

5. Couldn’t pass the postal exam, eh?

4. Will you puh-lease get that light out of my eyes???

3. That isn’t how you spell wreckless.

2. Excuse me! Did I ask for your opinion?

1. Here look! My gun’s bigger than yours!

Copyright (c) 1998-2008 Pamela K. Hahn (Pamela Rice Hahn)
Permission granted to forward this via email as long as
this entire copyright notice is attached.
The Chris White Top 5 List is Copyright (c) 1998 Chris White
and can be seen at http://www.topfive.com
This List is reprinted from the HUMOR section in the
The Blue Rose Bouquet at http://www.bluerosebouquet.com/
Reprinting this list for commercial purposes is forbidden
without the expressed written consent of the author.

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by Pamela Rice Hahn

5. l’espirit de whore … a satisfied Charlie Sheen

4. coma tally view … the number of visitors to the patient in intensive care

3. moi cherie’s no more … the Arkansas pre-teen theme song

2. slurp du jour … an intern’s day at the office

1. a’la rode … an intern’s exceptional day at the office

Copyright (c) 1998-2007 Pamela K. Hahn (Pamela Rice Hahn)
Permission granted to forward this via email as long as
this entire copyright notice is attached.
The Chris White Top 5 List is Copyright (c) 1998 Chris White
and can be seen at http://www.topfive.com
This List is reprinted from the HUMOR section in the
The Blue Rose Bouquet at http://www.bluerosebouquet.com/
Reprinting this list for commercial purposes is forbidden
without the expressed written consent of the author.

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by Pamela Rice Hahn

5. Jeus: the god of Florida fruit drinks

4. Pundora: goddess for those lacking the intelligence to come up with them

3. dildo: goddess of the loveless, mistress of the “no luck at the hunt”

2. batteri: dildo’s support group

1. HeHeHeHercules: god of laughter

Copyright (c) 1998-2008 Pamela K. Hahn (Pamela Rice Hahn)
Permission granted to forward this via email as long as
this entire copyright notice is attached.
The Chris White Top 5 List is Copyright (c) 1998 Chris White
and can be seen at http://www.topfive.com
This List is reprinted from the HUMOR section in the
The Blue Rose Bouquet at http://www.bluerosebouquet.com/
Reprinting this list for commercial purposes is forbidden
without the expressed written consent of the author.

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by Pamela Rice Hahn

This list was sent in as my first audition. I exceeded the 5 entries by a bit. Ended up it was already an actual topic in progress and one of mine was chosen the #1 Monica Lewinsky Film Title for the Chris White Top 5 List on February 3rd, 1998.

Bang the Bum Slowly

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by Pamela Rice Hahn

1. You’ll no longer bend over in public to pick up dropped change. Hell! You won’t bend over for anything smaller than a twenty.

2. Your stretch pants don’t.

3. You don’t think you’ll ever be able to forgive Blackwell for those unkind remarks about Omar the Tentmaker’s designing skills.

4. You decide a beard is the best way to camouflage a double chin. And, you’re female!

5.  Your T-shirts are now wide enough to emblazon MORE CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN’ across the front
in bold, 3″ letters … on one line.

Copyright (c) 1998-2008 Pamela K. Hahn (Pamela Rice Hahn)
Permission granted to forward this via email as long as
this entire copyright notice is attached.
The Chris White Top 5 List is Copyright (c) 1998 Chris White
and can be seen at http://www.topfive.com
This List is reprinted from the HUMOR section in the
The Blue Rose Bouquet at http://www.bluerosebouquet.com/
Reprinting this list for commercial purposes is forbidden
without the expressed written consent of the author.

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by Pamela Rice Hahn

I believe a humor writer is someone who looks at the world a bit differently than most of those around him. It’s not that he wears rose-colored glasses; however, he does have a mental astigmatism that makes him look at the familiar in a different manner. He notices things, and often comments on them in such a way that whichever acquaintance happens to be walking beside him at that moment, oftentimes pretends he’s “never met that guy before in my life.” His friends sometimes fail to hear the subtle distinctions, but he knows there’s a talent to innuendo and out the other. Eventually, as with all socially-unacceptable diseases, the infection spreads. Drop an “aside” and maybe one person will hear it, but write it down and maybe the whole world will read it! The class clown grows up and buys a computer and the printed word is never the same again.

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by Luanne F. Oleas

When the 1960s ended, San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury district reverted to high rent, and many hippies moved down the coast to Santa Cruz. They had children and got married, too, though in no particular sequence. But they didn’t name their children Melissa or Brett. People in the mountains around Santa Cruz grew accustomed to their children playing Frisbee with little Time Warp or Spring Fever.

And eventually Moonbeam, Earth, Love, and Precious Promise all ended up in public school.

That’s when the kindergarten teachers first met Fruit Stand. Every fall, according to tradition, parents bravely apply name tags to their children, kiss them good-bye, and send them off to school on the bus.

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