by Janelle Meraz Hooper
Elvis is still alive. I know it. I have proof. And I don’t mean the kind of proof where some guy who’s had too much beer stops at a local filling station and sees Elvis filling up his Eldorado with regular gas. What a joke. Everyone knows that Elvis uses super.
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by J. Kristin Dreyer
Over the years, I’ve learned to fear party games. If I’m at someone’s house with a hundred other people I don’t know (and maybe one who I actually do know), and I see someone pulling out some kind of board game, I feel such a strong physical force coming from the game that I suddenly have to go to the bathroom – really bad – and I stay there for the rest of the evening.
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by TJ Robertson
This is a story of two people, with two different views.
Now different views are something we all profess to not mind, but in reality we resent. Especially if the different view is held by our spouse. Everyone knows this is true, but we rarely will admit to such petty behavior because generally these incidents that tend to be the most irritating, are the ones that are the most ridiculous. Who wants to tell someone about the argument over the toilet paper roll, or the complaint about a spouse’s belief that mowing the grass produces methane emissions in the unacceptable range therefore the lawn cannot be mowed that weekend? You start telling someone about the argument you had with your spouse over these ridiculously silly notions your spouse had, and next thing you know, you end up looking the fool instead of the one deserving to be humiliated. Well, this is a story about two people, two views, and two lessons learned.
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Posted on September 10, 2000.
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by Andy Pierson
I bet that Van Gogh guy cut off his ear by
accident and made up that “lost love” story
so he wouldn’t look stupid.
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Posted on December 19, 1998.
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by Pamela Rice Hahn
5. Couldn’t pass the postal exam, eh?
4. Will you puh-lease get that light out of my eyes???
3. That isn’t how you spell wreckless.
2. Excuse me! Did I ask for your opinion?
1. Here look! My gun’s bigger than yours!
Copyright (c) 1998-2008 Pamela K. Hahn (Pamela Rice Hahn)
Permission granted to forward this via email as long as
this entire copyright notice is attached.
The Chris White Top 5 List is Copyright (c) 1998 Chris White
and can be seen at http://www.topfive.com
This List is reprinted from the HUMOR section in the
The Blue Rose Bouquet at http://www.bluerosebouquet.com/
Reprinting this list for commercial purposes is forbidden
without the expressed written consent of the author.
Posted on December 18, 1998.
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by Pamela Rice Hahn
5. l’espirit de whore … a satisfied Charlie Sheen
4. coma tally view … the number of visitors to the patient in intensive care
3. moi cherie’s no more … the Arkansas pre-teen theme song
2. slurp du jour … an intern’s day at the office
1. a’la rode … an intern’s exceptional day at the office
Copyright (c) 1998-2007 Pamela K. Hahn (Pamela Rice Hahn)
Permission granted to forward this via email as long as
this entire copyright notice is attached.
The Chris White Top 5 List is Copyright (c) 1998 Chris White
and can be seen at http://www.topfive.com
This List is reprinted from the HUMOR section in the
The Blue Rose Bouquet at http://www.bluerosebouquet.com/
Reprinting this list for commercial purposes is forbidden
without the expressed written consent of the author.
Posted on December 17, 1998.
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by Pamela Rice Hahn
5. Jeus: the god of Florida fruit drinks
4. Pundora: goddess for those lacking the intelligence to come up with them
3. dildo: goddess of the loveless, mistress of the “no luck at the hunt”
2. batteri: dildo’s support group
1. HeHeHeHercules: god of laughter
Copyright (c) 1998-2008 Pamela K. Hahn (Pamela Rice Hahn)
Permission granted to forward this via email as long as
this entire copyright notice is attached.
The Chris White Top 5 List is Copyright (c) 1998 Chris White
and can be seen at http://www.topfive.com
This List is reprinted from the HUMOR section in the
The Blue Rose Bouquet at http://www.bluerosebouquet.com/
Reprinting this list for commercial purposes is forbidden
without the expressed written consent of the author.
Posted on December 16, 1998.
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by Pamela Rice Hahn
This list was sent in as my first audition. I exceeded the 5 entries by a bit. Ended up it was already an actual topic in progress and one of mine was chosen the #1 Monica Lewinsky Film Title for the Chris White Top 5 List on February 3rd, 1998.
Bang the Bum Slowly
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Posted on December 14, 1998.
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by Pamela Rice Hahn
I believe a humor writer is someone who looks at the world a bit differently than most of those around him. It’s not that he wears rose-colored glasses; however, he does have a mental astigmatism that makes him look at the familiar in a different manner. He notices things, and often comments on them in such a way that whichever acquaintance happens to be walking beside him at that moment, oftentimes pretends he’s “never met that guy before in my life.” His friends sometimes fail to hear the subtle distinctions, but he knows there’s a talent to innuendo and out the other. Eventually, as with all socially-unacceptable diseases, the infection spreads. Drop an “aside” and maybe one person will hear it, but write it down and maybe the whole world will read it! The class clown grows up and buys a computer and the printed word is never the same again.
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Posted on December 13, 1998.
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by Luanne F. Oleas
When the 1960s ended, San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury district reverted to high rent, and many hippies moved down the coast to Santa Cruz. They had children and got married, too, though in no particular sequence. But they didn’t name their children Melissa or Brett. People in the mountains around Santa Cruz grew accustomed to their children playing Frisbee with little Time Warp or Spring Fever.
And eventually Moonbeam, Earth, Love, and Precious Promise all ended up in public school.
That’s when the kindergarten teachers first met Fruit Stand. Every fall, according to tradition, parents bravely apply name tags to their children, kiss them good-bye, and send them off to school on the bus.
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Pammy, the main character in the 
Many of those 
Because of chronic illness,